sometimes i wish i were an alien

“Because we’re born on different sides of the border, that makes our bodies different. Because I moved from one side of the border to another, that makes me a migrant forever, equally rejected by both sides. If you tell me “You can be anything you want”, why do the rules apply to me differently, why am I viewed differently? If I refuse to assimilate, does that make me a loser? Does my difference make it exciting, or threatening? For those with powerful passports, the border is a symbolic reaffirmation of a surplus of rights, but for me, it is a solid barrier, a force to separate, alienate and generate differences, becoming omnipresent inside me. So, how the f*ck can I possibly get free? Enter the game world filled with gibberish from a ‘legal alien’ and meditate on topics around migration, displacement, (losing) home, and freedom.This game is for those who are haunted by the border.”

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My Starting Point

As someone who left home and went abroad at a young age, the border is like an unhealing wound in my world, tearing me apart. Yet I find it extremely difficult to talk about this to people I know, as they find it heavy and not 'relatable' because their experience with borders is different from mine.

Whitley concluded that the border is something that acts as a “symbolic reaffirmation of a surplus of rights” for those with a passport granting them free travel, while for those without such a powerful passport, the border is a rigid barrier. sometimes i wish I were an alien is an 8-bit style semi-autobiographical game that combines elements of adventure games and visual novels, created in pico-8. Inspired by border theories, and memory studies, the game speaks of my personal struggles as a migrant who often feels stuck between different worlds, like a ghost living in limbo. The game aims to convey and illustrate the experience and impact of borders on individuals and how they manifest differently depending on one’s identity, which extends to topics around (leaving and losing) home, displacement, and exclusion.
it is an semi-autobiographical interactive narrative

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Game Play

Guided by the butterflies, the player will control the ghost (protagonist) to explore the game world through the 9 rooms that are subtly grouped by themes such as freedom, home, alienation and borders, presented in different graphic styles, visual effects and map shapes according to themes. Dialogues centring around those topics are also trigged in expected and unexpected ways, with varying trigger mechanisms in different rooms. The rooms of different themes are weaved together, distinguishable yet interconnected like a web, the non-linear narrative allows the players a level of freedom with various ways of exploring the map. In a way, this is a representation of my daily anxiety, as I oscillate between thoughts of ending myself, looking for a home or security, and questioning what borders and freedom mean to my body, etc. The connected rooms also reflect the entangled nature of these themes and their mutual influence. According to user testing, it takes from 15 to 30 minutes to explore all the rooms in the game.
The game was showcased in the Damned Soggy Oat Patch Degree Show for Digital Arts Computing. However due to time constrains, I could only show it on an iMac.
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Why PICO-8,
Why Pixel Art?

The motto is “working with constraints because I am living with constraints”, pico-8 and pixel art both tools and works of limitation. In a sense, it aligs with my subject position in this game. Pico-8 is a virtual console that is the reminiscing of an 80’s computer, The development environment is therefore different from modern game engines. Alvarez’s study of Pixel art graphics suggests that what differs its style to other realistic game graphics is its suggestive nature, where the audience has to fill in the missing bits of information themselves (2016), which works hand in hand with my pursuit to create a story of a 'ghost in Limbo'. Not everything has to be high-resolution because the essence of my game lies in nuanced storytelling rather than showing off advanced technology. This characteristic of pixel art aligns with my goal of communicating the impact of borders on me through subtle narratives.

The constraints offered by pixel art and PICO-8 also encourage me to think more creatively about the design and tweaks in the visual aesthetics of my work. To me as an indie developer who has limited support and knowledge in commercial engines, it is not only a viable choice but also allows for greater artistic expression. By working within the limitations of pixel art, I can add subtle layers of meaning and emotion to my game, enriching the overall experience for players.

Process / Trials and Errors

When I first started making the game, I was planning to incorporate ritualistic elements from my cultural background into my game such as fortune telling and the ritual of gathering and offering. Therefore I implemented a collectable and inventory system. As planned, the game's progress was: the player gathers food items from mazes and combat -> drops items in front of deities -> talks to deities as offerings and triggers dialogues about my migrant experience. The asset of my first attempt was also closer to reality, featuring green grass, lakes, etc. The project looks like another cliche pixel-art game that has a little bit of everything but lacks focus or style.
Although I tried to include elements from my culture like the moon blocks, according to user testing, players find the use of moon blocks confusing without a proper explanation. This reminds me that such use of elements from my culture can only be seen as mere symbols, educating the audience about my culture doesn’t necessarily help with communicating the experience as a migrant. Therefore I question a lot about my choice of assets and game features and decided to move away from the sole use of symbols - 'Less is more'.
I coined my experience as ‘living in limbo’, and I also wanted to display the confusion and disoriented feeling as a migrant, therefore I decided to make the map a little more abstract by removing the green background of the game that resembles grass, instead, I use black as the background and use minimal or monochrome tiles to decorate the environments of the map. I also gave the main map a graveyard feel to hint at the experience of being in limbo. In contrast, the interactive elements of the games are drawn in brighter or multiple colours, like the statues, which naturally draw the players’ attention towards them. The dark theme also works to flatten the spacial perception of the map further, making the player harder to find their direction. It is a confusion created to mimic the disorientated feeling of a migrant.

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